Why do parents give up their children
For many parents having your children out of the house will properly be the most scariest period of their life. A Dane wrote in connection with some of the Danish boarding schools called "Efterskoler"
For some it is this Monday. For others it did happen last Monday. It is the first time when they have to miss all contact with their children just because they have been sent to a boarding school.
It is a time just as stressful for the parents as for their children who have to adjust to a rather intense environment, with no privacy and with no space for afterthoughts. An adjustment which can be so huge that it resembles people who have been involved in a cult. One day it is over and then the loneliness will settle in. But this worry will come. People do get over leaving a cult and if the High School will offer a community where the students can learn each other to know over a beer or two, they will go on in life.
But for now it is 14 days with fear and nightmares. At many schools cell phones are forbidden for 14 days. They have no access to webcams. For modern families it is a total isolation of the children. The only means of communication are gone. It is very easy to let the fear rule the entire day; because accidents happen. The newspapers are filled with boat accidents, downing’s. The methods used in cases of illnesses at most schools send the sick student into his or her room alone with limited contact to staff and peers. The torment and pain of the student which could result in a tragic end for the student will always be the worst fear of the parent.
Is it acceptable for boarding schools to demand such a period of isolation? It is the question. It is a difficult phase for the family unit. Regardless of the result of the boarding school the family unit can never return to the situation they had before the children left their home. The knowledge that something will be lost cannot calm the parent down. What can the parent do to calm themselves down?
They can find peace in the statistic if they are correct? The number of children who dies at boarding schools is low that parents can use them to ensure themselves that it would only happen to the families next door. It is after all rare when we look at cases were students die within 24 hours from arriving at their boarding school. Of course there have been high profile cases like the one with Valerie Ann Heron who fell to her death shortly after arriving at the boarding school Tranquility Bay.
The positive news is that the 14 days at some point will be over. Maybe it will be looked back upon as a positive time by the 55-80 percent of the students who make it through to the graduation. As stated above such tragedies will only happen to families next door. You have done your best as parent. You have visited the school. You have look on various community networks like Facebook and Myspace for former student so you can see what they say about the school. You have investigated police reports and local newspapers for possible bad news. Most important you have set up a backup plan, so the student can get out. Maybe you have smuggled an extra cell phone on to the campus. It doesn’t hurt.
It is normal to be scared as a parent in this situation. Otherwise you will not be a good parent. With support of statistic you can be in denial with good conscience and you know that you will be able to comfort, treat and otherwise support your children at a later point when they will need it.
Still I will pray for the families who are in this situation. They need it.
So when it is so bad then why send your children away.
Often it is the question of the road not taken. If you have a child who is at danger to end up in juvenile detention, you might consider an alternative.
But we have to ask why even consider this alternative. Is the entire purpose of our justice system not set up to help our children to remain on the right path. We live in a society where the norm is that one percent of the entire population has to be locked up in order to adjust the rest. Will a stay at the juvenile detention destroy the rest of your child's life? No, according to the children who have been in juvenile detention, it is actually more scary before the stay than the stay itself.
It does teach them a lesson. They might not tell you this. They will try to make you believe that it is nothing. But deep inside the root for a growing change has been planted. They will change. They will grow out of their problems. They will be productive adults, IF you let them suffer the consequences of their actions.
The alternative is a program. The modern programs use marketing firms who are paid millions of dollars just to make the various programs look like a stay on a cruise ship. Some programs does even have a campus where they can show off students who are close to graduating and have been told before visits that they are at this campus as a reward for graduating the program early and the ticket home is to sell the tale of their own stay as good as possible.
But the reality are that some cannot return home. They died. Many will return home confused and unable to cope with the challenges of the real life after having been shielded from it. A lot will suffer from PTSD because boarding schools offer an intense environment and once they return home alien to the peer group at the local high school they will be lonely.
Parents should consider their options very carefully. You cannot go back once the decision is taken.
For some it is this Monday. For others it did happen last Monday. It is the first time when they have to miss all contact with their children just because they have been sent to a boarding school.
It is a time just as stressful for the parents as for their children who have to adjust to a rather intense environment, with no privacy and with no space for afterthoughts. An adjustment which can be so huge that it resembles people who have been involved in a cult. One day it is over and then the loneliness will settle in. But this worry will come. People do get over leaving a cult and if the High School will offer a community where the students can learn each other to know over a beer or two, they will go on in life.
But for now it is 14 days with fear and nightmares. At many schools cell phones are forbidden for 14 days. They have no access to webcams. For modern families it is a total isolation of the children. The only means of communication are gone. It is very easy to let the fear rule the entire day; because accidents happen. The newspapers are filled with boat accidents, downing’s. The methods used in cases of illnesses at most schools send the sick student into his or her room alone with limited contact to staff and peers. The torment and pain of the student which could result in a tragic end for the student will always be the worst fear of the parent.
Is it acceptable for boarding schools to demand such a period of isolation? It is the question. It is a difficult phase for the family unit. Regardless of the result of the boarding school the family unit can never return to the situation they had before the children left their home. The knowledge that something will be lost cannot calm the parent down. What can the parent do to calm themselves down?
They can find peace in the statistic if they are correct? The number of children who dies at boarding schools is low that parents can use them to ensure themselves that it would only happen to the families next door. It is after all rare when we look at cases were students die within 24 hours from arriving at their boarding school. Of course there have been high profile cases like the one with Valerie Ann Heron who fell to her death shortly after arriving at the boarding school Tranquility Bay.
The positive news is that the 14 days at some point will be over. Maybe it will be looked back upon as a positive time by the 55-80 percent of the students who make it through to the graduation. As stated above such tragedies will only happen to families next door. You have done your best as parent. You have visited the school. You have look on various community networks like Facebook and Myspace for former student so you can see what they say about the school. You have investigated police reports and local newspapers for possible bad news. Most important you have set up a backup plan, so the student can get out. Maybe you have smuggled an extra cell phone on to the campus. It doesn’t hurt.
It is normal to be scared as a parent in this situation. Otherwise you will not be a good parent. With support of statistic you can be in denial with good conscience and you know that you will be able to comfort, treat and otherwise support your children at a later point when they will need it.
Still I will pray for the families who are in this situation. They need it.
So when it is so bad then why send your children away.
Often it is the question of the road not taken. If you have a child who is at danger to end up in juvenile detention, you might consider an alternative.
But we have to ask why even consider this alternative. Is the entire purpose of our justice system not set up to help our children to remain on the right path. We live in a society where the norm is that one percent of the entire population has to be locked up in order to adjust the rest. Will a stay at the juvenile detention destroy the rest of your child's life? No, according to the children who have been in juvenile detention, it is actually more scary before the stay than the stay itself.
It does teach them a lesson. They might not tell you this. They will try to make you believe that it is nothing. But deep inside the root for a growing change has been planted. They will change. They will grow out of their problems. They will be productive adults, IF you let them suffer the consequences of their actions.
The alternative is a program. The modern programs use marketing firms who are paid millions of dollars just to make the various programs look like a stay on a cruise ship. Some programs does even have a campus where they can show off students who are close to graduating and have been told before visits that they are at this campus as a reward for graduating the program early and the ticket home is to sell the tale of their own stay as good as possible.
But the reality are that some cannot return home. They died. Many will return home confused and unable to cope with the challenges of the real life after having been shielded from it. A lot will suffer from PTSD because boarding schools offer an intense environment and once they return home alien to the peer group at the local high school they will be lonely.
Parents should consider their options very carefully. You cannot go back once the decision is taken.